Code of Festive BehaviourVersion 1.6a

1. Introduction

The purpose of this document is to set out what activities may be considered festive for determining a given individual's Festiveness Quotient, or FQ. Their FQ is determined by summing the worth of the activities which definitely are festive and subtracting those which definitely aren't festive. Activities which do not appear in either listing may be either disregarded or ignored, at your preference.

2. Things What Do Be Classed As Festive Behaviour

Please note this listing is subject to change as and when the IFEDPROFESP see fit.

  1. Putting up Christmas decorations
  2. Watching the Will Ferrell movie "Elf"
  3. Drinking Chambord cocktails in an afternoon
  4. Having cracked knuckles and doing nothing about them
  5. Walking around taking photographs of snowy conditions for three (3) hours
  6. Having the "Holidays are comin'" music from the Coca Cola adverts stuck in your head
  7. Wearing a Santa Claus hat, or any winter-specific hat, particularly if it is white with green patterning and bobbley tassley things which look so cool
  8. Dave Benson Phillips
  9. Singing the classic rock ballad "Jingle Bells"
  10. Having a Starbucks coffee in a red cup
  11. Registering Discovering domain names with the word "festive" in them
  12. Authoring Discovering lists of festive/unfestive activities
  13. Laughing at the hilarious lengths some people will go to to try to make you laugh politically correct madness of an official measure of festiveness
  14. Walking in the air
  15. Making absurdly amusing festive puns such as conflating the words clause and claus
  16. Bottles of mulled wine
  17. Photographs of bottles of mulled wine
  18. Tweeting photographs of bottles of mulled wine to people with lower FQ than yourself
  19. Receiving tweeted photographs of bottles of mulled wine from people with higher FQ than yourself
  20. The Woodland Critter Christmas episode of South Park

3. Things What Don't Be Classed As Festive Behaviour

Please note this listing is subject to change as and when the IFEDPROFESP see fit.

  1. Going to sleep for eight (8) hours
  2. Going to sleep at 8 (eight) PM
  3. Being unimpressed with a risotto
  4. Watching "The Apprentice" via "The iPlayer"
  5. Having cracked knuckles and fixing them with special cream
  6. Michael McIntyre

4. Attribution

This document is produced and maintained by the IFEDPROFESP (International Federation For Proper Festive Practices)